After All
by deeplydemented
Summary: Draco watches Hermione. Hermione knows this fact. They love each other deeply. But will fate cross their paths?


**Title:** After All

**Author:** Chermione

**Rating:** R

**Genre: **Romance/ Drama/ Angst

**Notes:** I apologize for the errors you see in whatever form. I dunno if there ever has been a fic that ran along the lines of this one. In case there has been, I did not copy it.

**After All**

_One of these days_

_I won't be afraid of staying _

_With you…_

I always watch you, did you know that? How often, you might ask. Everyday I do. Every. Single. Day. And it fascinates me that you don't notice. Maybe you don't even know that I'm here. On second thought, I would die if you knew.

That I'm just a building away from your pad. Yes, that building directly facing your pad, actually. And I can see you. All the time. In fact, I know almost everything there is to know about you.

That you love to toss your head back when you laugh at that Wednesday Muggle comedy show. That you only wear an oversized t-shirt to sleep. That you sing before you go to work. That you don't have a telephone. That you host a tea party every Saturday at your pad and all of your Gryffindor mates comes.

I could go on and on and you'd be surprised or rather, freaked out with the extent of my knowledge.

It's been so long since I last saw you. Four years, to be exact. And the last time we saw each other wasn't exactly a pretty scene. I was on the _other_ side, switching to that side the last minute. And I saw how disappointed you were with me. I saw all the pain and hurt in your eyes. I had to steel myself from your gaze or else I would break down from the guilt.

But you have to understand, Hermione, I was just being myself. I didn't want to die. I didn't want to lose. It's bad enough knowing that if I win, you're going to die and I have to live with it. I can't. But it's too late. It had happened. Thank Merlin you lived. Your side won after all.

Afterwards, I had to lead a damned man's life, running away and disguising myself. You should have seen the folder of complaints so many have filed against me. I've had near occasions of capture, I think you've hear about it. Or maybe you pretend not knowing I still exist. Still, I survived. Sometimes I wonder why I struggle to survive. I suppose it's that sliver of hope that one day, I'm going to be with you. I shake my head, what a pathetic fool I am.

And then I found you. It's been what, the tenth time maybe, that I had run away and the heavens were so kind to lead me to you. You don't know how happy I was to see you, Hermione. And yet, at the same time, devastated that you were so near and still so far.

I can't expose myself to you. I know you'll be confused. Or maybe you'd shout at me for all I have done wrong. But I wouldn't explain myself and in the end, you'll leave me. Forever. I don't want that, Hermione. Or maybe I do not know what I would do if that happens. So I hide in the shadows, content of watching you. Wishing, regretting, and loving you.

How I wish we could be friends so that we can share a special bond that will make you see who I really am. I'm a good man, Hermione I am really. I was just a victim of circumstances. I was… I was a coward. A fucking coward.

If only I stayed with you then maybe a lot would have changed. You'd see how unique I am, how seriously in love I am with you. And you'd fall for me and we'll be together… we'll be happy. And maybe I'd reconcile with Potter, the Weasleys and all of those I've hurt. Then I'll ask you to marry me and you'd say yes. Ginny's going to be your Maid of Honor and maybe, Potter's going to be my Best Man. Maybe, our wedding's going to be on the front page of the Daily Prophet—and some would consider it the wedding of the century. We'll have our honeymoon at the Caribbean or Prague. We'll have little Draco's and Hermione's and we'll live at the Manor. Then we'll take care of them, watching them turn into mini-Draco's and mini-Hermione's. And in the end, when we're already weak and old, we'll embrace at night whispering 'I love you's' so sweet and tender it would seem we were still newlyweds… Shit, if only all this were true.

Our love story was supposed to be the first major step in the recovery from the terrible war. Everyone will start a new life. Everyone will forget the past. Everyone will forgive each other. Unfortunately, I ruined this perfect story for you. And I apologize, I'm so sorry. I should have been a man. I should have told you how I felt. I should have… It's no use. I'm too late.

You've got a beautiful life now. You're the Top Auror at your game, for Christ's sake! You've won numerous awards and practically every company known to the Wizarding World wants you. All your efforts have paid off in the end. You deserve it. You've done well; you've worked hard for everything you have now.

Maybe that's why I didn't have you because I didn't work hard enough to have you. I suppose Potter's worked hard enough that's why when you came back last night, rather this morning, both of you had that twinkle in the eyes that told me I can never have you. Yes, I saw the ring. Finely-cut diamond on 24-karat gold. I could have given you one like that. I could have proposed to you on the moon. But it's too late.

You've turned off your lights. It's time I retire too, I suppose. Tomorrow, I'll probably leave. I heard the Ministry's already gotten a clue where I am. Goodbye, Hermione. I love you. But you don't have to know that. It will not matter anymore. But I suppose it wouldn't hurt if I shed some tears for you. Even if you do not know.

Should I tell him that I know? Should I ask him why he's watching me? Should I do anything or just pretend that I never noticed? But I'm tired of pretending I don't know. I'm sick of acting as if I don't want to talk to him. I'm weary of denying that it is he, watching me. That he's still alive. And fate has brought him back to me.

I never knew this potion would work. It was only an experiment—a desperate measure from a desperate woman wanting to see her beloved for just one moment. And it didn't work for a span of time until two months ago. I received that ghost-sent owl telling me he's here. It told me he was living in that pad facing mine directly at the neighbor building. It stated what he was doing. And for a brief moment showed me how he looked like.

I almost cried seeing how he was. He looked terrible—he had grown a beard, his hair was a bit longish, his silver eyes were dreary not arrogant as they used to be and he looked so depressed. And it shocked me to see that he was looking at me. He knew what I was doing. And I have observed he always knew. I had to retire to my toilet to cry. I couldn't afford letting him know. Not yet. But when? Will I ever have the courage to confront him?

What should I do? Until this moment, I have not settled that problem. It bothered me because I wanted to be with him but I was already committed to Harry. We've been together for eight months now and it has been fantastic. He loves me so much and I love him too. But when Draco came back, I suddenly didn't know what my heart really felt.

During the time Draco was still on our side, preparing for the final war, we became friends. He was opening himself up to me and I could feel I was special for him. He was special to me too. He was the only person who made feel so uncomfortable and yet so beautiful without telling me. He was the only man who shushed my tears by merely smiling at me. He was the only guy I ever loved so intensely it hurt. But we never got the chance to see what would have happened to us. Maybe if he didn't switch sides the last minute, we could have had a future.

I despised him at that moment. How could he? I felt so betrayed. I thought he used my weakness to fool me and everything was just a front to hurt me more. I hated myself for getting carried away so easily. I was so foolish, I exclaimed then.

But everytime I hear that he's been found, my heart could not help sinking and wishing he would escape. And he does manage to escape. I thank the heavens for hearing my prayers. But sometimes I berate myself for praying for him. Why do I keep on caring for a man who had deceived me? Why do I keep wishing for his safety when I know he deserved the misery? Maybe because I feel that deep inside, he regretted having done those things in the first place. I don't know why but I still believe that he was good and he was only afraid.

Then one day, I decided to forget him. I moved on. I started picking up the fragments of my broken heart and falling for Harry (Ron and I were an item once but we were better off as friends). Actually, I have forgotten thinking of him for a while now. I have been enjoying my status in life. I have been acting normally as I should. I have been happy.

Until I found out that he was here. That he was watching me. And that maybe, he felt the same.

What do I do? Damn it, why does he have to show up at this specific time when I have accepted he's a complete prat and he doesn't deserve all this I'm doing for him? Why? Why? Why… but I know the answer. I just don't know if I'm ready to accept it.

Oh God, help me please. Should I let him go? Should I move on completely? Or is this some sort of a second chance for the both of us? Please, tell me what I should do. Please, before it's too late…

Draco woke up to the ring of his doorbell. He looked at his alarm clock and it read 2:30 am. He grunted. '_Must be that arse from next door. Wonder what he needs this time_,' he thought. He walked up slowly to the door and opened it nonchalantly, "What?" he grumbled.

He did not expect to see her behind that door. "H-hello. I'm sorry I interrupted your sleep. I just had to ask you something," Hermione said softly yet hesitantly, averting his gaze. She did manage to see how he looked and it made her heart break. His platinum blond locks was tousled, frail wisps covering his face; his clothes looked horrible, too—an antique-looking black shirt and faded trousers. She did notice that he still had those thin, bow-shaped lips and that his eyes, even though dull, still sent shivers down her spine.

Draco's heart pounded wildly in his ribcage. He could not believe Hermione Granger was standing in front of him. She looked so much better up close—the wavy, chestnut brown hair, the loving chocolate orbs and the pink full lips. Those were enough to make him hard and panting. He tried to look as calm as possible, managing to say, "…Sure. Come in."

Hermione sat down on his couch and looked around his pad—if it was even a pad. It was filthy in there; a deathly stench lingered and an unhappy mood settled in. When she heard Draco sit down on the couch in front of her, she looked up at him and smiled feebly, "Been a long time since we last saw each other."

Draco nodded, his arms resting on the couch. "Yes, a long time."

A pregnant pause ensued. "How long have you been staying here?" Hermione broke the silence.

Draco pretended he didn't care she was there, "Two months perhaps", he drawled.

Hermione couldn't breathe properly, '_Oh God, he's here. And I want to hold him, to kiss him… but what if he pushes me away? What should I do?_' she thought.

She asked again, "You should have told me you were here. I should have invited you to my tea party last Saturday. I'm sure Harry and…"

Jealousy flashed through Draco's orbs and he spat, "Look Hermione, it's 2:30 in the morning and I'm sure those things you are asking me right now are not the things you want to ask me. So if I were you, I'd be asking my questions now so that we could all o to sleep. "

Hermione dreaded Draco's "eagerness" to know what she would ask. She swallowed and smiled, "OK… you're right. I should be asking my main question now," she inhaled deeply and asked reluctantly, "Why… why are you watching me?"

Draco feigned he wasn't surprised about the fact that she knew. He grunted, "Watching you? You've got to be kidding me. Why would I watch you? I presume you've noticed your pad is facing mine directly so there will be instances that when I look your way you catch me. But that doesn't mean I'm watching you."

Hermione felt stupid. '_Of course, he's not watching you. You just happen to catch his eye. That's what happens when you assume too much, Hermione. _' her head told her but she didn't want to believe it.

She smiled again and nodded, "You're right. You're absolutely right. I'm just being stupid. I'm sorry I bothered your sleep," she stood up. Draco wanted to pull her down to stay but he was too confused to do anything, "I'll be going now. Good night. I apologize again."

Draco followed her to the door but was taken aback when Hermione turned around to talk to him, "No wait. I reckon I'm not quite finished yet."

She returned to Draco's lounge and Draco waited for her next actions. Hermione contemplated and then suddenly blurted, "So that's it, isn't it? Hermione's just being stupid. Moronic. Idiotic. Daft. My fault because I overanalyze things, right?" Draco wanted to explain but he didn't know why he kept the façade.

He almost jumped when Hermione spat, "You expect me to believe that lame excuse and then everything goes back to normal. Don't you think I've thought about confronting you for a long time? Don't you know how hard this is for me, Malfoy? Now, it's just some stupid presumption I make up because I'm such an idiot, is that right, huh? " she could not hold back her tears.

Draco looked at her, bewildered, "What are you talking about Granger?"

"What I'm talking about is why didn't you tell me you were here? You've been here for two months now… did it ever cross your mind to come over my place and-and…" she sighed exasperatingly, "Why do I always have to make the first move to go near you? Why, Malfoy? Why do you always hurt me? What do you get from hurting me?" Angry tears poured down her cheeks and she let them. God, it felt good letting him know how she felt.

She sat down on the couch, her back facing him, "For the longest time Draco Malfoy, I thought you were a complete arsehole. You left me and it hurt a lot because… because you were special to me. Why did you lie to me Draco? Why did you betray me? Did you just take advantage of my weakness just to hurt me like you always did? Why… why?"

'_I did not want to hurt you Hermione. I was just afraid. You don't know how much I regret doing those things to you…'_ his mind exclaimed but he refused to speak. Draco felt the whole world crush him. He didn't know how to tell it all to Hermione. He knew if he remained impassive, she'd be angry with him forever and he'd have his life sentence. He did not know what the consequences were, however, if he responded.

"Answer me, Draco. Please… why?" Hermione stood in front of him, mere inches away, imploring for his answer.

Draco looked away, suppressing the tear, "Just leave me, Hermione. I don't have to explain myself. What had happened before had happened. I'm sorry but you have to go."

Hermione could not believe she was hearing these things. She was breathing heavily, a hand covering her mouth. She closed her eyes then retorted, "So it's true… you really intended to hurt me. You're a liar. You're one sick liar, you know that? And I hate you! I despise you, Draco Malfoy! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" she slapped him repeatedly, on the face, on his chest, on his arms, everywhere she could touch on his body, she hurt. She felt so angry she just wanted to let it all out.

Draco took all her slaps, spanks, punches, even scratches and did not fight back. Finally, Hermione sank to her knees and let her face fall on her hands. She didn't want to leave. She just wanted to cry buckets of tears for as long as she can. She kept murmuring 'Why, why, why'.

"You should have never showed yourself to me in the first place. Then maybe, I wouldn't be confused—so confused like I am right now."

'_Confused? What is there to be confused about? I thought she was just angry at me for betraying her… why would she be confused?_' His head asked curiously. "W-why are you confused?" Draco managed to whisper.

Hermione glared at him and shouted, "Because I love you, damn it! And I hate it that I still love you despite of all the fucked up things you did to me! Tell me, what did you to me Draco? Why do I feel this way for you? I should be hating you and you know that and yet… I always manage to fall for you repeatedly. "

Draco could not believe his ears. She loved him. And she was just as afraid as he was in telling him how she really felt. "Y-you lo…ve me?... but that can't be… I've hurt you so badly… I… I don't deserve the love you're giving me…"

"Don't you think I've thought about that too, Draco? Every single night, I dream about you and me together. We were so happy. And when I wake up I always cry because I realize all of it wasn't true. And it can never come true. I don't know what I should do now. Harry's in loved with me and I am with him too… until you came back. That flicker of affection I had for you suddenly grew more intense and I could not handle regretting letting go of this second chance. If that's what you can call it," she paused and wiped her tears, "but I suppose I'm just plain stupid to fancy such things. There's no second chance. There never will be. It was silly of me to fall and hope," she headed for the door.

She was surprised when she felt being enclosed by firm, masculine arms from the back, a wild heartbeat pounding behind her and a tear-stained face brushing her head, "Please don't go, Hermione. Please don't leave me."

Hermione was too surprised to even breathe that she just listened to Draco's onslaught of words.

"You're not stupid, Hermione. You're the most clever woman in the world. I'm the one who's stupid. Stupid enough to let his cowardice take over and switch sides. Stupid enough to let you go even though you were the most precious thing I ever had. Stupid enough to deny these feelings just because I was too afraid to tell you. Stupid enough to hurt you, Hermione. I was that stupid. And even more if I don't tell you how I feel…" his voice quavered, and Hermione felt tears wetting her neck, "I love you so much, Hermione. So much that it hurts and I have to cry because it won't stop growing. Everyday when I see you from your world I regret every fucking thing I did wrong to you. Everyday… And now, I finally know how you feel. You don't know how happy I am. At last, somebody loved me back. I never thought anyone would, you see. Because I'm a piece of shit unworthy of love. Oh God, Hermione… I wish you can give me a chance to prove how much I care for you…" he laid his head on her neck and Hermione couldn't help but cry at his revelation.

"Oh Draco, you should have told me earlier. You should have…" Draco hushed her and said, "Just let me hold you like this. Just give me this moment to hold you." Hermione nodded and Draco relaxed, embracing her and taking her in.

Hermione shifted position, so that she now faced him, both of them caressing each other, gripping each other, holding on to the moment they were given. She ran her hands down his shoulders to his arms then his chest and his spine. Draco did the same, caressing her hair while softly tracing her spine with his fingers. They both gasped and listened to each other's breathing, closing their eyes and relishing on the sensations.

They stared into each other's eyes, still not letting go of each other. Draco tucked away a stray wisp of hair from Hermione's face and smiled. She sighed contentedly, wishing this moment would last.

Gently, Draco bent down to let their lips touch the first time. It felt good and surreal that they went on like that for what seemed like forever. When the passion of each other's hearts began to intensify, the gentle, butterfly kisses became intense, hungry ones, eager to taste each other and show how they felt.

Draco ran his tongue along Hermione's lips and she gasped, letting him taste every corner of her mouth, softly then passionately until Hermione was too lost in the sensations. She did the same, their tongues battling each other and their lips swollen from the intensity. Draco pulled her head backward as to dip his tongue deeper into her and she could only moan in bliss.

Draco shifted his attention to Hermione's neck and she exposed it willingly for him to ravish. Hermione then licked and bit lightly Draco's ear and neck, eliciting a grunt from Draco.

Eager hands roamed each other's body; Draco lifted her oversized t-shirt, revealing her breasts and knickers while Hermione got rid of his button-downed shirt, exposing his still muscular chest. Draco paused to look at Hermione's form, "So divine…" Again, they attacked each other's lips. Draco kneaded her arse and she in turn sucked his neck…

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When they came, they both shouted out each other's names, repeatedly shouting their love for each other. Draco remained on top of Hermione, resting his head on the crook of her neck for a moment. Later on, they shed tears of happiness, finding the one true love they thought they would never have.

Hermione woke up, blinded by the angry beams of the sun. She thought Draco was still beside her so she decided to turn around and kiss him but to her disappointment, Draco wasn't. She stood up, quickly slipping through her shirt and looked around his pad. "Draco? Draco! Where are you? Love?..."

Panic enclosed her, her lips starting to quiver. '_Oh God, please, don't take him away…'_ she thought. He was nowhere to be found and he didn't leave a note.

When she returned to Draco's room, she saw him standing at its foot, seemingly contemplating. She sighed, the burden in her heart disappearing, "Jesus Christ, I've been looking all over for you. Where have you been, love?"

Draco only stared at her and held her hands. He sighed and remained pensive.

The burden in Hermione's heart started pooling again. She pressed Draco's hands and blinked back tears, "Why love? What's wrong?"

Draco gazed into Hermione's eyes and smiled sullenly, "I have to go, Hermione."

The first tears fell. Hermione's voice quavered, "What do you mean you're going?"

"They've found me," Draco's hands squeezed hers harder, making Hermione almost not feel anything. She realized she wanted to be numb right now. She can't believe all these were happening. It can't be. It shouldn't be. She was happy.

"Who's found you, Draco?" she managed to ask.

"The Ministry. They're going to punish me for the wrongs I have done during the war," Draco was also crying, his head hanging low for Hermione to not see his pain.

But she could feel it and she doesn't know why he had to leave her again, "The war? Harry and Dumbledore had granted amnesty to all those who had committed crimes during the war. I was there when they made the announcement. It was on the Daily Prophet. You can't go. You shouldn't. I'll tell Pernicus he can't take you away. Who did you do wrong to? I'll talk to them and…"

Draco shushed her, nodding, "I know Harry and Dumbledore have forgiven me but those who filed complaints against me, haven't. And I've been running away for so long, love. It's just gotten worse. This morning I received an owl telling me that they know where I am. I wanted to escape but I couldn't leave you. So I decided to surrender and face the consequences of my past actions," he pressed his cheeks on Hermione's hands, letting his tears wet it, "Heaven knows I don't want to go. I love you so much and I would do anything to stay with you but I have to face this first. I have to be a man—a renewed man to be able to start a new life with you my love. I'm sorry I'm putting you through this. You have a choice, you know. You could still go back to Potter and…"

It was Hermione's turn to shush him. She smiled and nodded sympathetically, "I understand completely, Draco. And I love you even more for doing this. You don't have to worry. I will wait forever for you. I promise I will always be here, waiting for the right time for our love to flourish. I will love you and I will wait. I promise," More tears fell down her cheeks. Draco brushed them away, smiling at her statement.

Draco embraced Hermione passionately and kissed her forehead, "Always visit me, ok? Just in case you can't come, owl me. I promise I will answer you back. You take care of yourself. I love you so much. I love you…" Draco kissed her repeatedly, never wanting to let go.

They were already crying so hard by the time the Special Task Force of the Ministry had arrested Draco. Hermione looked on, mouthing 'I love you' incessantly to Draco. Draco did the same.

Her mind was set. She will wait and help her love in this obstacle. She'll talk to Pernicus and try to reason with him. She'll ask for forgiveness from all those who filed complaints against Draco if it was the only way he could be back in her arms again. She'll do anything.

But most of all, she will wait forever if that is how long it will take, just as long as she can be with the man he loves again. Just as long as they can live the happy endings they should have. She knows they will live happily ever after. And when that time comes, she'll be embracing him with open arms.

_The end._


End file.
